Communication in same sex male relationships
In same sex male relationships there are key issues that require good
communication, like talking about monogamy, discussing the seriousness of a
relationship or how to handle going out on the gay scene as a couple. Before
reading this tip sheet please see our Communication
in Relationships tip sheet.
Open or closed relationship
- The topic of monogamy often arises in same sex male relationships. Even in
an established relationship, the open (non-monogamous) or closed (monogamous)
status of the relationship may be questioned.
- Using the guidelines from the Components of Communication tip sheet
can be a way for both partners to feel equally part of the discussion. Remember
that this decision has emotional, physical and safety issues attached to it.
- Regardless of what you and your partner decide, the topic of safe sex needs
to be discussed and part of your rules.
For more about safe sex, see http://www.vicaids.asn.au
Serious or non-serious relationship
- Guys may have several non-serious or fun flings before settling down to a
more serious relationship. This may not seem like something particular to
same sex male relationships but due to a minority status, same sex male
relationships have few or no role-models, no expectations, little support and no
formalised or legal foundation. Due to this, same sex attracted guys may
experience more hurdles in finding or establishing long-term relationships as
compared to straight guys.
- Flings and non-serious relationships also have their place and can be
fulfilling valid relationships in themselves.
- An important component of communication within a same sex male relationship
is to negotiate what sort of relationship 'we' are having at the moment, or to
help in the transition between non-serious and serious relationships, or
vice-versa.
Navigating the gay scene
- A situation that can cause some tension in a same sex male relationship is
going out on the Gay Scene – clubs and bars - as a couple. Approaches or
advances to one or both of you can lead to cracks developing in the foundation
of the relationship if rules for this situation are not established.
- The Really Listening Model will be important for each partner to
get across what fears or anxieties they may have about being out on the scene
with their partner.
- Whether open or closed, the rules need to be established so each partner
knows where the boundaries are. Who to talk to, how long to talk to people,
talking to others individually or as a couple, and declaring the relationship
are all issues that could be discussed in setting the rules for this situation.
No matter how you choose to use the components of communication, it is
important that both partners are equally involved and the rules apply to each
partner and are agreed upon by both of you. Relationships will change over
time. In fact, little mini crises happen every now and then to help a
relationship evolve into what it needs to be to keep going. As such the rules
of a relationship are not set in stone and can be re-negotiated keeping in mind
the components of communication (See page: Communication In Relationships). Remember relationships are a team
sport and good communication keeps the team strong.
This Tip Sheet was created with the help of the Victorian AIDS
Council/ Gay Men's Health Centre
Copyright © MensLine Australia 2007
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